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Gruntipedia fun: The Beast
The Beggining Frankie's Cat is a terrible feline beast, set loose by the lords of Bungie in order to decimate the worlds population. They shall then swoop in, swiftly take control, and catapult Kwarsh their enemies into the sun. Born in a hovel in Scotistan, the Beast was taken in by native Scotistani and mediocre writer Frankie. Raised on a nourishing diet of puppies and babies, the Beast began hunting live prey at the age of two days. It started its reign of terror by assassinating the leaders of the world. Reacting quickly, the Four Horsemen sealed it away in the game Myth, where it became the Lonely Soul. Many centuries later, the game was played. Played by the most unlikely creature imaginable. Bilbo Faggins, of the Shire. The game betrayed Bilbo to his death, and then ensnared a new bearer. Fleeing deep into the Misty Mountains, Kwarsh evolved into a disgusting frog thing. Rumors grew of a shadow in the east. Whispers of a nameless fear. The beast knew. Its time had come... The Beasts' Arrival The Beast jumped into that gay Stargate portal thingy of coolishness...anyway, The Beast swirled through thousands of lights, it was almost like being drunk. It had an idea of where it was going... The Beast fell out of the bright rip in the sky and hit the ground with a BANG! The Beast looked around wearily. It was in the Halo Universe. It was in a forest at night. It knew what it was here for. It had an urge to rip apart the Master Chief and piss all over his limbs and then bury them in some cat litter and track it all over the floor. Though tonight it was tired and needed a cat-nap. Tommorow he would do battle with the Master Chief. The Beast Battles a God The Beast awoke, refreshed from a good night's sleep. Suddenly, it had a craving for Burger King. It galloped wildly through the jungle, drool flapping in the wind at the thought of a triple WHOPPER. Then it arrived at Burger King. It mutilated everyone and ate their sandwitches. Then it moved on to Dairy Queen, still in a haze of hunger. So it destroyed and ate every fast food place in town and found itself quite satisfied. Then, suddenly The Beast heard someone walking behind it. It turned and roared in rage at non other than...Master Chief. "Burger King was my favorite restraunt," said Master Chief, "It was meaty and full of swag, but you took her from me!" "No drama," said The Beast, "let's just fucking fight!" They fought viciously: slashing, biting, shooting, roaring, hair-pulling, and a bunch of other stuff that I won't tell you because I think I've disturbed you enough. The Beast picked up a car and threw it at the Chief. He rolled out of the way and pulled out an energy sword. Suddenly, Arbiturd flew in with a banshee. The Chief jumped on. They flew swiftly...but not swiftly enough. The Beast ran below, trying to keep up with the aircraft. Then, taking its opportunity, it made a huge lunge into the air and grabbed the banshees' tail. It held closely with its little kitty claws. Eventually, the banshee fell to the ground. So Arbiturd died in the explosion and Master Chief survived along with The Beast. They scrambled to their feet, but Master Chief was faster. He picked up a Wendy's hamburger and threw it at The Beast. "NO!" mewed The Beast, "Not Wendy's-it's my one weakness!" The burger hit him. "Grawl! It's high amounts of cholesterol burn!" With that, The Beast died. Ressurection LOL! The Beast awoke in heaven. There it saw god and knew it had died to the Master Chief. It begged god to let it go back to earth and finish the fight. God was in a good mood, for he had just eaten a cheeseburger and granted The Beast permission to live once again. So The Beast returned to earth and breathed fire upon it's towns and cities. It fulfilled its' purpose to destroy the world's population. All it had to do now was catapult Kwarsh into the sun. Battle with the Prophet of Haters That was when it saw Meat and Taters cowering in the rubble. It decided to smite them with it's claws. It reared back. Then, suddenly out of the blue, came the biggest douche that The Beast had ever seen: it was the Prophet of Haters riding a flaming unicorn. He landed and dismounted. Haters gave it five dollars and the horse flew away. ...]] "Do not bring hurtingishness to these bitches!" said he. "Why?" said The Beast. "They might be bitches...but they're my bithces. I will not let you PWN them!" said the Prophet of Haters. So the Prophet and The Beast had an ultimate battle that I'm not going to describe to you because it's so lame it might cause you to dry hump the nearest living thing to you. Eventually they beat eachother up so bad that they ended up sitting down and agreeing to let Meat and Taters live. Second Battle The Beast moved on into the misty mountains, searching for Kwarsh. It looked for many days without avail. On the fourth day of searching, The Beast found Kwarsh. It quickly grabbed him and threw him into the sun where Kwarsh was burnt into a radioactive french frie. Then Master Chief came. He seized this oppurtunity to seal The Beast away once again. He gave The Beast a splazer shot and The Beast was once again sealed away in the game: Call of Duty. Fate of The Beast The Beast ended up PWNing every person who tried to play Call of Duty. So...The Beast lived out a happy life of killing players. Category:Four Horsemen of the ApocalypseCategory:CharactersCategory:Unseen CharactersCategory:Douchebags